Yikes! Whether you live 200 miles apart or multiple oceans apart, saving a long distance relationship starting to show cracks can be tough to glue back together. (And almost impossible if you’re currently going through a long distance breakup.

From my PERSONAL experience (I’ve learned the hard way), you’re going to have to change your strategy around because this is what you’re ultimately battling – the lack of intimacy, time, and for some of you, language and culture.

So follow these steps to TEMPORARILY put a stop on your relationship’s downward spiral.

1. Give Her Some Time To Think…

You need to take a step back and give your ex (or soon to be ex) about a month of silence. Everyone’s situation is unique so you need to adjust the “no contact”. But you have to remain out of her life longer than a month. So you’ll have to delete her from all of your records, social networks, etc.

This means that if she tries to get in contact with you before then, you’ll have to bite your tongue and let it go. If you play your cards right, she’ll contact you again. So don’t worry.

Remember, she has to initiate contact. You might have to reset your whole plan if you break silence. If you haven’t heard anything from her after a month, then wait it out even longer.

If you still haven’t heard from her after 3 months, skip to the last step.

2. Yes! You Heard From Her…

When you’re miles apart, you’re probably communicating a lot online, but in this situation, ignore her emails etc, because you want her to try to get in contact with on the phone. (Now if she’s from another country where money is tight, she might ring your phone once and hang up.. you can then call or email her.. but follow what I say below)

If she calls, you’re probably going to be a little nervous. In a perfect situation, I would have you do a hundred pushups before you answer, but we’ll just work with reality. Try to sound enthusiastic to hear from her but cut the conversation to just a few words. Explain to her that you’ll call her back later because you’re busy right now.

Don’t answer any of her questions. Just keep it short, say goodbye and hang up.

3. Be Patient… Really Patient

Yup, you need to sit back and wait for her to contact you again. Now, this is a VERY IMPORTANT time for you. This is when the “power” will start to shirt. If you do hear from her again, you now have an idea that she’s missing you.

If you haven’t heard from her in 3 months, skip to the last step.

4. Second Time Is a Charm…

So she contacted you again. This time, try to set a time for you guys to chat. You’re probably going to do this on the phone or online. When you do have your little “talk”, act like your breakup NEVER occurred. Bring back that vibe when you guy first got to know each other and tell her, but keep her in the dark, about the new and exciting things you’re planning and working on.

Important tip – Do Not, I repeat, do not bring up anything about the past. Do not put any guilt trips on her or act negative in anyway. If you do, you’ll risk pushing her away for good.

If you sense that this “tactic” didn’t light a spark, go back to the beginning and rinse and repeat.

5. You Got One Shot. How To Make It Count…

If you’re not getting anywhere, send her a gift on a special day. Hopefully she has a birthday, graduation, promotion, or even a holiday coming up. The key here is the gift itself.

Think deep about this one.

Get her something unique but simple.

Something that you know will put a smile on her face, like a memory that only you both share.

Use your imagination. Has she ever told you “you better not tell anyone!”? Use that as a clue.

Does she like to read? Or maybe you both dreamt about going to Tahiti. Why not get her some Tahitian flowers or enroll her in a Polynesian cooking class. Only you hold this vital information on YOUR woman.

This is powerful stuff.

Do not give it to her in person, make sure you mail it or have it delivered to her somehow. Then go back to step 1 and repeat the whole process again.