The Pain of finding out that your ex has a new boyfriend is gut wrenching. I know, because I’ve been there. And I don’t ever want to go back there again.

If you find yourself in this situation, ask yourself if you truly want to get back with your ex. If so, there are some battle tested methods out there that actually work.

It does take little time and endurance on your part, but if you think she’s the one, and I know you think that, then listen up and read very carefully all the way til the end.

Step 1 – Don’t Fight It

Accept the fact that your girl is with another man and try to forget about it. Don’t try to dissect the little details of what went wrong with your relationship. Let it go and don’t look back. The guys who only look forward have the best chance of rekindling that fire. Your girl is on a rebound and you will use that as an advantage because rebounds don’t usually last long. You will need some mental fortitude for this, but you can do it. And the faster you can move forward, the faster you will ignite the fire you had with your ex.

Don’t get me wrong; there will be days when you want to reach out to your ex. But, you have to refrain from it. Any thoughts about your ex, will take you two steps backwards. Your emotions are on overdrive right now and you’re looking for ways to rationalize your actions. I know you’re running conversations in your mind between you and her, conversations on what you said to each other in the past, and conversations on what you want to say to her in the future. Take it easy, buddy, and take a deep breath. I’m rooting for you.

Step 2 – Disappear

This is tough, but the actual act of not contacting your ex is relatively easy. The difficult part is, stopping your mind from thinking about your ex. Again, your mind will be racing…wondering if your ex is thinking about you or creating scenarios in your head of running into your ex. You’ll get excited and wonder if she’s going to send you an email or text, and you wind up checking your inbox or phone constantly. This is normal in a breakup, but irrational. When I say disappear, you’re not only cutting off contact with your ex, but you’re cutting off contact with your depressed self. You get it?

Step 3 – Be Selfish

This is the perfect time to think about yourself. You might think that you don’t have energy, but you do. It’s negative energy but the potential is there. The trick now, is to convert that negative energy into something positive. It’s time to reinvent the new you. Look into finishing goals that you’ve always had in mind. Run that marathon, change your hair, lose weight, or take a Salsa class. The possibilities are endless.

Don’t slip! Maybe, your ex’s birthday is coming up…don’t fall for this classic trap. Remember, disappear…

Back to yourself. Most men, after a breakup, crumble into self-pity. Not you, brother. You’re going to be much stronger from this situation. Be selfish and feed your ego big time. The power of being selfish will take care of the first 2 steps of “not fighting it” and “disappearing” both at the same time.

These are just the beginning steps of your ultimate plan of getting YOUR girl back when your ex has a new boyfriend.